Season Two! This time with more green.

Oh, look at that, Season Two is underway, and boy, is it green. Not a fun green. That visual makes me think of money. Nah, it’s a poison green; don’t get it mixed up with fel green or forsaken green, and definitely not emerald dream green. Come to think of it, why are there so many greens? Well, I digress; you’re here because you want the rundown on the new season and what we have to look forward to.

First: we are in for another season of chasing the most incredible loot yet, introducing the Arcanocrystal negative one point zero. When the current trinkets are this bad, everything looks good. Even every physical damage dealer's favorite puzzle box gets a second go-around on the BiS list. So jump in and ignore half your slots until heroic prog in the best season yet.

Second: the dungeon pool is filled with top-of-the-line rage bait designed to make you question everything about your time in-game, because if you can’t stand the dungeon, it will make you run it faster. Right?

Third: the dev team wanted you to focus on the most optimal method of farming raid bosses, so they put the only items worth getting on the last two bosses in the raid. And don’t worry, our Mythic Plus team has to join the raid for that sweet, sweet cantrip loot.

Fourth: if you’re playing a death knight, then I've got good news for you: that raid buff you’ve got is so strong you’ve been promoted to the bench out of sheer respect. Enjoy the break; you’ve earned it.

Now, those might seem like a list of horrible things, and trust me, we all know Ion came up with half of them. As for the rest of the amazing changes, just wait until you see the rep grind; they’ve made sure that after you get your one rank a week, you’ll have time to jump into the most engaging season of Mythic Plus since Shadowlands Season Two.

What’s that? The team is about to revolt because the raid is monocolored and boring? That’s a first! I enjoy the eye-blistering green everywhere and can’t believe that anyone would hate carrying seeds for the thirty-fifth time in four years. Nah, you're just yanking my chain. And speaking of yanking chains…

Rude’s Septic Service and Taco Truck. When you need to go, trust that those turds flush. After a successful bathroom break, load up for round two with the best street tacos in town.

Whether you’re working round the clock and eating so little fiber that you poop a seventeen-foot pipe clogger once a month, or you're downing three bottles of MiraLAX a day so you can try your hand at hitting the bowl from your front yard, Rude will keep things flowing, not shy or afraid to get his hands dirty. He’ll clean things out faster than your raid wipes on the final boss. And with his deals on tacos and pipe snakes, you’ll be calling for another round. Use code Rude4U to get 20% off your next septic pump or street taco combo.

Yum, those are some good tacos, and while he’s around, I might as well get my tank pumped. Don’t forget that code; I'd hate to miss out on discount tacos and a little pump action.

Now, you might be thinking that they’ve done some balancing between seasons, or that they’ve tested half the content they shoved out at the deadline. Honestly, no! But they did release a detailed list of what they wanted to change before they announced Classic Plus and gave up on balance to count money. So, if you work hard, you can get your hands on the plate loot with more versatility than a Blizzard dev being shuffled between projects before landing on the Heroes of the Storm team.

That being said, the meta is shaping up to be the most enjoyable composition yet. Did you say death knight, paladin, mage, warrior, and whatever random shaman is overperforming is a match made in Satan’s least favorite fever dream? Then good. We can push keys until we find out our best healer is a disc priest, we haven’t seen a warrior since Vanilla, and our best mage is the top fire mage on Bloodhoof with an IO of twenty-five hundred.

Don’t be discouraged; there are plenty of reasons to hate the new season that don’t revolve around tuning or the lack of meaningful gear. Plenty of other issues to go around. Did you say you wanted bland-looking troll-themed loot and a myriad of useless map markers that mean absolutely nothing? Then join us on the Coiled Isle for an exercise in what some would call enhanced time-wasting techniques, because we have rolling events that either end in twenty-five seconds on a high-population server or are unkillable on low-pop servers. You’ll be wading through the new delves in all their glory because they outdid themselves with either a useless slog that takes you nowhere or a useless slog that makes you roam a wide-open space of nothing. FUN?

That all sounds fun, but I hear you saying, "Blah, I want to ignore the great vault and take bonus rolls, because if I take an item, it will put me behind everyone else on the FOMO train." If that’s the case, then do I have a series of new changes that offer more head-scratching nonsense than a parent battling a lice infestation! The devs decided to up enemy damage and player health to really get those healers involved, because nothing says engaging healer gameplay like having to fervently beat your keyboard like you’re trying to three pianoes at once.

Though I want to keep selling you on the new season and the most wonderful patch Blizzard has ever released, I know you want to get in there and beta-test the season until they fix half the problems before the point-seven patch. Good luck, and be sure to save those bonus rolls!