Alt Night! Fun, Unplanned, Carefree, and Kickass!
Wait, a minute, did you just show up wearing your normal gear? tonight isn’t a night for wiping on mythic bosses until our eyes bleed. No, no, no, we’re here for Alt Night! An unplanned night of carefree fun and hopefully a kick-ass time of killing bosses. All of this and more, while our team tries to fill roles they have no business attempting. We’ll be wondering if those we’ve trusted in higher content are truly as smart as we thought, or were they just lucky we didn’t see them chewing on their toenails while playing their main role. From missed interrupts to tanks wearing healing gear, tonight is going to be the best/worst night of your time with our stupendous team. Trust me, it could get worse and likely will. So sign up today, well, don't, we'll take you anyway because you have a pulse and we need numbers.
After making sure we have every spot assigned and we're buffed and ready to go. Our number one priority is to make sure our mog game is on point. can’t look like a scrub even on alts. We’ll ensure our least important and most gear-starved players stay on their mains. It's important to remind them how little they matter. There will be open rolls for the first time ever. So your main will struggle to keep our slack and undergeared alts alive while we siphon more gear away from the “normies,” not you, of course, but maybe you, since tokens are just here for show.
What's the point of doing the content on another character when our mains are already through it? Because you bunch of slackers are so far behind the important people that we're dragging around more dead weight than an undead whale. It would be an honor to go on this journey if you all were worth the effort.
Why don't we just help you get as geared up as we are? I love jokes, especially those where people like you are the punchline. I’m kidding; you would be if there were a point to your existence.
Are you thinking about skipping the event? That's fine, but remember. If you swim alone, no one can hear you drowning. Important life lessons are hard to find. Though we'd never let you drown, buddy.
Remember, always think of the team. We, officers, should always work together to ensure the most efficient use of guild resources. It would be a shame if the undeserving got a piece of good loot. Oh, that idea sent a chill down my spine.
So many questions and so little time. I wish we had time to answer them all. Unlike today’s sponsor! If only we were listening to Ren and the Cat, you’d have all the most pressing questions answered with a stern series of meows. Am I right? Not just any show, the best show in town. legally required disclaimer, DarkTube streaming is not responsible for injuries related to taking life, financial, health, and gambling advice from a cat. Be sure to consult your doctor before listening to a cat. From Ren’s impeccable breakdown of each wipe and how the team needs a new team to do content that our team can’t do as a team. To The Cat, offering up hard-hitting commentary about the current political strife, forcing an increase in the cost of living around the world. With a new pair of guests each night, they’ll keep you coming back for more. This week’s guests include: Notaan to speak about the rising cost of repairs and how the increase is going to be felt by the lower third of the guild. and Mango, covering a recently leaked adult video involving his lewd acts with a harem of mixed fruit. It promises to be a night of intrigue and gossip. Tune in to Ren and the Cat only on DarkTube, streaming.
Wow, my favorite show was when Joe admitted to everyone he secretly identified as a Paladin. It was a moving show indeed.
Where were we? Oh, you’re bleeding. We’ll get you help in no time. But first, I need to tell you about the joys of watching those of us with all the gear scoop up more. It offers a bit of incentive to the guild. Play better, and you’ll matter enough to get loot. Simple, really, these knife wounds look life-threatening. Not to fear, we’ve grown to like you [insert name here]. I’ve almost remembered your name, and you’re a mage, right? Or were you a rogue? That’s not important; what’s important is how we work together and prove once and for all that teamwork makes the dream work. Notaan will be leading this courageous gang of barely functioning knee pads into battle, and when we’re through, the whole world will shake in our presence. Or we’ll die trying; more likely than not, we’ll die.
Not much can be said, aside from go out there and kick some ass… wait, I’m free… I’m free; quick in here. They’ll come for me soon, and I have to get a warning out somehow.
I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me, but we have to escape. We aren’t losing people each week; they’re feeding them to an old god within our guild neighborhood, and they wish to empower Tri’zt, the Elemental fiend. The foul creature exists to feed, and the officers want to use it for their own ends. If we don’t leave soon… soon… soon we’ll be needing to stop by Luna’s Martial Arts and Medicine… No, I can’t let them win! new person. Please, you have to… Eat the new 432-ounce Goliath steak at Joe’s. If you can get it down without dying, it's half price.
Those intrusive thoughts are at it again!
Don’t worry, the rest of the team will be right there by your side. Alt Night will be our best yet, and if you don’t agree, then it’s because you’re secretly working for the void. Be sure to log your progress and get those weapon and trinket upgrades. Can’t have you holding the team back.
until next time… I just want to see my family again… please… I need… Mango’s Refreshing Thousand-Year Spring Water. mmhmmm, that’s good. Refreshing and environmentally friendly, thank you Mango! See you next time, champ! Don’t forget. We’re always watching.
