A Nice Day For a Picnic

Brandon and Lollipop watched Todd prepare to throw his disc on hole fourteen. The downhill slope often played tricks on the less skilled players. Since they were now more advanced, it was less likely they would land outside the very wide fairway. Todd changed discs a few times and took out a mantis.

“Mantis fly straight!” Todd said.

“Yeah, yeah, how about you get to throwing, before that solo player with two swords on his back shows up.” Brandon glared at the gray-haired man approaching hole twelve. “Yeah, he looks like bad news.”

Todd pushed his bottom jaw forward and grumbled at Brandon. “I’m orc, orc not fear sword man. Orcs fear Mondays.”

Brandon stared blankly into the distance. Through his dismay, he pointed to Todd to look at the hole they were throwing into. “Any day now!”

Todd stepped up in the box and threw a backhand. The disc tore through the mando sign and with it the tree. He jumped up and down and slapped Brandon’s back. The action sent the small goblin crumpling into the concrete tee box. Todd poked out his chest and sat on a large rock. The tree fell onto the fairway. From the snapped tree trunk, another family of gnomes crawled out and raced for the dense forest beyond the course.

Lollipop took a deep breath, he hummed the hymn from the heavens before throwing his disc. It sailed beautifully down the fairway and landed within putting distance of the basket.

“So Brandon, are we going to try that new course?” Lollipop motioned for Brandon to throw and sat beside Todd.

“Yeah, we can try it. Wait, what is that?” Brandon leaned forward. “It can’t be. That crusty old lady is back!”

A nice old woman sat to the side of the tee box for fifteen, next to her, a young girl wearing a red cloak shared cookies with a werewolf. With their baked goods and nice picnic blanket, they laughed and had a good time. The sight of their joy caused Brandon’s blood to boil.

“That old lady! Tell me I can’t try the cake because your granddaughter brought it for you.” Brandon lined up with the group. “Eat this!”

Brandon threw his disc at the unsuspecting party, and it struck their neatly prepared meal, flinging food all over their clothes.

“Ha, maybe you’ll share it next time!” Brandon turned around to a judgmental stare from Lollipop and Todd.

“Todd no like being mean to old ladies. Brandon should feel shame.” Todd said.

Lollipop, instead of castigating Brandon for his ill behavior, ran down the hill and offered aid in cleaning up the mess caused by his companion.

“Shut it, Todd,” Brandon stormed down the hill and smiled at his deed until the old lady raced up and kicked him into the undergrowth. Brandon confidently shouted as he flew into the brush. “I regret nothing.”

When he stepped out again, the werewolf snatched him off the ground and squeezed his neck.

“Now, now,” within seconds, sound no longer escaped Brandon’s mouth. His eyes bulged, and the world became dark.

“Don’t worry, Brandon, I’ll help.” Lollipop raised his tome to the sky and called down a spire of healing light.

Brandon once again burst into flames. The werewolf stared in dismay after letting go of Brandon’s throat to watch the raging fireball sprint across the fairway, leaving a trail of greenish flames in his wake.

“Why, why would you do that again?” Brandon screamed until Lollipop opened a vial of holy water and tossed it onto the smoldering goblin.

“I’m sorry, the healing light cleanses. On the positive side, you needed a bath,” Lollipop said.

With a sprinkle of holy water, the air around Brandon’s putrid body exploded into a bright burst of radiant light and green mist. The smell of clean linen and soiled underwear wafted across the fairway. Passersby fled in horror at the smell and sight of Brandon’s enduring agony.

Todd grabbed Brandon and slammed him into the dirt. He scraped the burning goblin across the ground until the flames died out.

“You no drop and roll, I roll you, make fire go away,” Todd said.

Brandon looked up to see Lollipop grinning from ear to ear and moving closer with a healing potion in hand. Although he wished to flee or scream, Brandon was helpless, wrapped in Todd’s grasp. Brandon’s eyes grew wide, and through his struggling, he kicked Lollipop in the shin, knocking the potion out of his hand.

Upon touching Brandon’s skin, the solution burst into flames. In a panic, Todd used his disc bag to stamp out the roaring flames. After being unconscious for an unknown amount of time, Lollipop helped Brandon to his feet and dusted him off.

“I’m out of healing, I guess I could call on the holy light. The angels might offer a boon.” Lollipop said.

“No, don’t call on any angels. Not sure you forgot, but healing and such ain’t the best medicine for goblins. Poison is the best thing to cure a goblin in need.” Brandon took a vial of swamp muck and applied it to the most burnt parts of his skin. “Now, I’ll throw from here, and we can move to hole fifteen. Where did those losers go?”

Todd stepped up. “They leave, old woman nice, give Todd cookie.” The crumbs of various cookies were sprinkled across his chest. “Todd like old woman.”

Brandon looked at Lollipop and noticed much the same betrayal as the chocolate-chip variety.

“So both of you? Thought we were friends?” Brandon stomped over to his disc.

“Listen, we are friends, but Grandma made such delectable desserts. We couldn’t resist, and you were out for a good twenty minutes after that werewolf thrashed you. Also, Todd beating you senseless with his bag didn’t help.” Lollipop gave Brandon a pat on the back. “Let’s get moving, got a new WhiteRock griddle at home. Maybe I’ll cook some burgers?”

Brandon grumbled and tossed his disc. “What did you guys get on this hole?”

Todd held up five fingers. “Birdie!”

Lollipop shook his head and smiled. “We both got a birdie, Todd, this is a par three.”

“Todd knows!” Todd smiled and pointed at his five fingers. “See Todd can count.”

Brandon slammed his hand against his face. “I swear you’re slower than the guys that work at Ley Faebirs.” Brandon tapped his disc in for par and walked toward the tee box on Fifteen. “At least I don’t have to pay you slouches. Come on, Todd, this par five isn’t going to be over quickly, and the wife has something bubbling at home for supper.”

“Todd understand, Todd will not hit every tree.” Todd stepped on Brandon, “Sorry goblin child, Todd have big feet.”