Sand Traps and Feathers

Brandon sat on the bench at the eleventh hole. Disregarding all else, his eyes scanned the dunes along the left side of the fairway. Brandon feared what would happen should his disc land in such treacherous terrain. Unlike Lollipop, who didn’t care about the hazards of the back nine and of this hole in particular. The overly zealous paladin launched straight into his throw. The disc left his hand uneven and flew into the sand.

“Ugh, maybe I can still par,” Lollipop said.

Brandon hopped up and picked out a new disc from his bag. “Always wanted to try this one out. Hey Todd. You think the revenger is a solid one?”

Todd glanced back and grinned. “Good disc, Todd need focus.”

Brandon glared at Todd, the large orc, who sat at the far end of the tee box. By stepping aside, Brandon saw past Todd and noticed a baby Chimera seated in the grass. The cute creature appeared docile, but when grown, it would tear them limb from limb. At this age, it remained peaceful and somehow smaller than Brandon.

Brandon stood over the creature with a disc in hand. Todd stepped over Brandon and threw his disc straight into the sand. The previous hole went poorly for Brandon; it was now a three-way tie, and the longer holes on the back nine offered a greater challenge for his stumpy arms.

Brandon winked and gave the chimera a hideous smile before taking a few steps back. Once honed in, Brandon felt something breathing on his neck. Fearful, he resolved not to turn around. As the age-old goblin proverb goes, if I ain’t see it, it ain’t happen.

“Momma Chimera, angry,” Todd said.

Using its lion head, the beast grabbed Brandon and shook him violently. During the thrashing, Brandon lost control of his disc. Being that he was on the tee box, it counted as his throw. The disc arced into the dunes and slid across the sand.

“Goblin child need help?” Todd asked.

“Yeah! Maybe hit the dang thing?” Brandon flailed wildly as the beast opened its mouth and sent him flying face-first into the dunes. The sand approached his face quickly, and the world went black.

Brandon felt something tickling his feet. His attempt to keep from laughing ended with him inhaling a mouthful of sand. In a single painful motion, Todd yanked him from the sand. With bloodshot eyes and claw marks across much of his body. Brandon dusted himself off and coughed up lumps of sand. He crawled across the sand, searching for his disc.

“Goblin child okay now!” Todd said.

“Sure thing, Todd, I’m good.” Brandon pressed his palm to the side of his head. “Just a headache is all.”

Lollipop rushed over. “Are you alright? That looked quite painful.” Lollipop offered Brandon a healing potion. “I bring extra in case things get rough.”

Brandon swatted Lollipop’s hand away, “I’m fine, ha, save that for yourself.”

After a bit of searching, Brandon found his disc lying on a dark patch of sand. Todd’s disc sat fairly close by, but Lollipop’s, on the other hand, seemed to drift deeper into the sand trap.

“Look here, I lay this up and stay at par. I’ll pull away on fifteen.” Brandon threw his disc, but struck a passing raven. With a burst of purple mist, the bird flopped onto the ground, belly up, and twitched a few times. “Oh, come on, is this the kind of day?”

Brandon’s footing seemed uneven, and his line of sight fell below the mound of sand he just threw his disc over. With a glance downward, the situation became clear. He stood in a patch of quicksand. Before the words could escape his mouth, he plunged under the surface. With flailing hands, he grabbed Todd’s disc in a vain attempt at pulling himself up.

During the commotion, his feet were aimed toward the surface. Brandon’s lungs hurt, and his life flashed before his eyes. A myriad of evil deeds brought warmth to his blackened heart, a feeling that brought unnatural pain.

As Brandon lost consciousness, Todd pulled him from the sand and smiled with an almost vacant stare.

“You have disc, Todd throw disc,” Todd said.

“Oh, thanks, big fella, thought I was a, wait, did you just say-“ Brandon had no time to finish his sentence.

Todd reared back, and Brandon’s body flopped wildly before being launched toward the basket while still holding Todd’s disc. The rushing wind against his face pulled the folds of unsightly skin back. His tongue flapped against his poorly groomed beard, and his eyes widened the closer to the basket he sailed.

“No, no, no. NO!” Brandon tried to raise his hands to brace for impact, but the wind kept his arms stuck to his side, like a smelly green missile he careened across the fairway.

With a loud thud, Brandon’s head struck the pole under the basket.

Through the ringing in his ears, Brandon heard Todd shouting. “It counts, throw Brandon and disc, still throw disc.”

Brandon climbed to his feet and nursed a large welt on his forehead. As Brandon relaxed, Lollipop searched the dunes for the missing disc. Spouts of sand moved closer to the unsuspecting paladin with increasing speed. Brandon again avoided the common response and cracked open another can of Pink Steer to enjoy as he watched the scenario unfold. Evil does as one would suspect, and Brandon was no exception to his nature.

Lollipop raised his hands high and cheered. “Ha, still close enough to forehand a birdie attempt.” He reared back to throw, but his disc flopped onto the ground as the unfortunate paladin was dragged under the surface.

“Yep, that’s why I leave the dance moves at home,” Brandon said.

Todd looked on with dismay. He stepped closer to the sand but avoided leaving the grass.

“Is something wrong, big guy?” Brandon asked.

“Todd worried for worm, silly man could hurt worm stomach.” Todd said.

“Ha, for a moment I thought you cared about that silly good-for-nothing.” Brandon gathered his disc and watched an elven woman with dark eye shadow and a grizzled man in lion armor carry the unconscious raven away.

“I’d wait, but I hear those blue-eyed drug dealers will be along shortly.” Brandon wiped the bird residue off before letting it glide; he laid the disc up for a bogey.

Todd sank a par putt before they both sat down to catch their breath.

The muffled screams of Lollipop became louder until he burst from the sand, hurtling through the air toward the basket. After landing like a gold and silver-plated accordion, Lollipop staggered toward his disc and clawed the sand out of every visible hole.

“Felt good, huh?” Brandon asked.

Lollipop rolled his eyes and collected his disc, making sure not to disturb any more worms. With a soft throw, it bounced off the basket.

“Silly man, is worm okay?” Todd asked.

Lollipop stared past the concerned orc and walked to the basket.

“Ha, ha. That is priceless. Lollipop, even Todd is making fun of you.” Brandon said.

Todd hung his head and walked toward the next tee box. “Todd, not make fun.”

“Brandon, as I am above gloating. I will not remind you that we are both losing to the orc.” Lollipop placed the disc in his bag. “Maybe for once you might think about anyone other than yourself.”

Brandon burst into laughter again, “Ha, are you serious? I care about many people besides myself. Maybe it’s that bad things happen to them, but it’s still caring.” Brandon slapped Lollipop’s shoulder. “Oh, and before I forget, I’m not that competitive.”

“Brandon, might I remind you that not too long ago, you stabbed a small child because he beat you in a game of checkers,” Lollipop said.

Brandon didn’t break stride. “Yeah, should have known what was good for him. Kids these days, always trying to show you up.” Brandon set his bag beside Todd, “and anyway, he was twice my size. He could have defended himself.”

“He was five, you stabbed a five-year-old. Oh, and don’t get me started on the old woman with the cookies. Brandon, you don’t like losing.” Lollipop said.

“They all had it coming to them. self-righteous granny, if I ever-” Brandon sneered at Lollipop. “Come on, you’re up after Todd gets his feelings back together.”