Where did we come from? Where did we, Joe?
Don’t mind me; I like to watch while you sleep! But since you’re up, have you ever wondered how the guild came to be? How our band of misfits joined together to watch Mango carry us on his big, strong, fruit-filled shoulders?
It all started back in the old days. Notaan still had long hair, but there was a warmth in his eyes, and it wasn’t the rat flu. Mango had feathers and threw leaves at people; he’d yet to become the monk we love and in so many ways hate. No, he was a druid, a tree-hugging nature freak. Our ducks were still struggling to escape their shells, and Joe wasn’t in denial; he embraced being a hunter. It was a time of discovery and fun, yet not everything went according to plan; many things went completely wrong, like Ren’s transmog. In those days, I stalked the forests with my trusty cats, joining the effort to rid the world of the horrors released by the legion. While farming pelts, I heard a call, the bestial summons from a true creature of worth. Standing in the clearing, I saw Joe, the sheer manliness almost sent me away in fear, his musk caused five full-sized gorillas to die instantly. Though I knew destiny brought us together, I watched for a while before making my move. With honor, I approached the majestic creature and pleaded to be companions.
He agreed by urinating on my boots; to this day, I don’t understand why. Some argue that “I became his property,” and others say, “I’m now his Mate.” I’d rather not know if those were my only options.
Soon, we found ourselves fighting against the minions of domination, and it was there we met the one called Nature. Her corpse lay on the floor of the boss room, and as I stepped over her decaying body, I saw something in her eyes. A dull stare devoid of thought and the spirit of a good friend. Her labored cries caused pain to all around her, yet I grew to listen to the person beyond the hellish screeching. Soon, our trio became unstoppable. I threw off the shackles of being a hunter and embraced the power of the paladin. With them in my backpack, we pushed back the forces of creation and beat up a bunch of repressed and newly freed dragon slaves. Gotta know who the real bad guys are. Sadly, I fell to the AFK, gone from the world for so long that I forgot my place. Drifting in the nether and searching for my home.
How did I return? They called from the highest mountain, Verizon! I answered like a meteor, crashing into the earthen city, and soon I rejoined the effort. We tried to work together, but no group needed our trio, a band of misfits without a home. Until a kindly beggar offered us a dream and told us of their plan, The Light Kingdom. a place full of hope, with a loot system built on fairness and transparency. We’d work together and build something more than a guild; we’d build a community from events brimming with participation and officers who logged on more than once a week. We huddled in a cardboard box and talked about our dream of having a neighborhood and how Mango and Uno would hold events from their very own houses.
Was I young and naive? Yes, but we were going to give it our all.
Long hours were spent working through the fine details and making sure we were doing it right. Mango ran keys with everyone, and I rarely complained. It was a dream, a dream that would soon turn into a nightmare. Nature longed to be home with the gaggle of morons she spent time with during my absence. Joe, well, Joe was Joe. The team worked through the pains, and we found ourselves fighting to hold the crumbling ship together. Recruitment and burnout took a toll, and soon only a few remained. Unshaken, we decided that if we failed, we’d do it as a team. One solemn night, we met at the tavern and took turns signing the charter. Each name is to be recorded, and our promise is to be kept. That was what we were going to strive for.
When we all joined together in our effort to keep building, things didn’t work right off the bat; first, we had an issue with the people chosen to lead. It seems some people can’t be left alone with guildies- not me; I like being alone with guildies. Our next issue was the name, as we were to be the Light Kingdom, showing we would be a light in the world, a light in the darkness. During our early days, we struggled to live up to our lofty aspirations of being The Light Kingdom. Still, due to a slight disagreement with Outland Electric and Natural Gas, we were forced to abandon the newly minted charter and use the guild Notaan held in secret, The Dark Kingdom, and given to him by the corrupted god and the source of our power. Don’t get me started on the Eastern Kingdoms water district. Corrupt bunch they are! With the abandonment of our dream guild, we settled into the nature of our new home. With our lord and savior Trizt to guide us, we brought unspeakable horrors and poor loot distribution to the masses.
In no time, we were all working as a team to bring down the biggest bads and siphoning loot from even our best players.
As all tales go, we didn’t see it coming. First, a message, then one person left and another. Before we could stop the bleeding, we lost half of our guild. It seemed our hopes were vanquished when, over the horizon, fresh recruits joined, among them Mr. Duck and Ren. Soon, the level of degeneracy reached heights most 4chan threads only dream of. Our ranks were bolstered by some of the worst trolls this world has ever seen, but they became our trolls. Van and Luna joined, and from there, our property value soared. At one point, we were pushing thirty people, a dream we hold today.
With Ren helping recruit, our numbers stay strong. The added strength of Van and Luna is invaluable when disposing of bodies. Recruits are heavier than I expected; be sure to lift with the knees. As a team, we are solid and driving toward success like a runaway bus on a busy sidewalk. We’re getting it done, and if you’re thinking about joining full-time. Be sure to get in there and let us see your fighting face. Also, you might want to add a bit of fiber to your diet; it would seem things aren’t moving along fast enough down there. Until next time, be sure to keep that door unlocked; I would hate to break a window to get in.
