The Black Ace

Todd threw his bag at the tee box on five, “Wraiths are worst, no more play through.”

Brandon threw his hands into the air, his bag landed in the dirt, and his eyes glared at the clouds rolling in from the south.

“Todd, it wasn’t all bad. They attacked Mr. Holiness over there, and I think they knocked out one of his teeth.” Brandon kicked his bag and lined up with an orange middy. “Let’s just get past it. They are four holes up fighting with the barbarians now, and it's not our problem anymore.”

Brandon turned to see Lollipop inspecting a chipped tooth in a hand mirror he kept tucked into his armor. The wraiths left more dents in his Breastplate, and one made off with Lollipop’s left shoulder guard. The tome on Lollipop’s belt was missing all of its pages, and most of his hair was torn out during the fight.

“I didn’t lose the tooth, it’s just chipped.” Lollipop set his bag down and took out a flask of holy water. He tipped it over and revealed it was empty. “It’s going to be a long day.”

“Yeah, and you threw a double bogey on the last hole, not like you’re doing so hot.” Brandon aimed down the fairway and sent his backhand sailing into the trees. The disc faded to the left and clipped a tree, landing in a decent spot near the basket.

“Thank you for asking. I am doing quite well. I just need to focus.” Lollipop said.

“You’re up, Todd, knock ‘em dead,” Brandon said.

Todd laughed and slapped Brandon on the back. His small body launched into the trees and bounced off the basket for the fourth hole. “Goblin child make funny.” Todd stepped up and sent his disc flying into a tree. With a whack, it bounced off and landed a few feet from the tee.

“No good, maybe use mulligan?” Todd asked.

Brandon wobbled back over with one hand pressed against his lower back and a sharp ringing in his ear. “No big fella, that par four on seven ain’t easy with trees on either side. It could come in handy to save it. Anyway, you’re out in the middle, just put some juice on it.”

“Fine, I save Mulligan,” Todd said.

Lollipop stepped onto the tee; his feet were sluggish, and he jerked his throwing arm a few times as though it were bothering him. He moved up and released, his disc slipped out, and sailed the wrong way. After a long errant flight, the sound of chains rattling came from a basket on the next hole.

“Wow, a black ace, don’t see that often. So tell me, are you feeling okay, Mr. Paladin?” Brandon offered a bottle of swamp sludge to him. “Maybe you need to re-hydrate?”

Todd jumped up and down. “Todd, not worst, that is shiny, funny man.”

Lollipop shrugged and walked toward his poorly thrown disc.

Todd snatched his disc and threw it in one fluid motion; the speed and trajectory sent it flying into a nest of harpies. He tore a branch off a tree and jabbed it through a sticky slime cube. Todd slapped the nest and caught his disc. The slime pulled in two of the nest’s residents. Both were consumed and reduced to nothing more than bones floating inside the slime, but Todd’s plastic disc remained unharmed.

“Silly bird, no make noise now,” Todd said.

“Todd, have you ever considered seeking someone to help with your anger issues?” Lollipop asked.

Todd smiled, “I got help, now Todd always angry.”

Lollipop shook his head and walked to the basket his disc flew into.

Brandon eyed the basket in their current hole, then leaned over to see the basket for six resting on a hill, surrounded by rocks. His first inclination was to warn Lollipop of the poor choice he was about to make, but his evil nature won the day. Brandon instead took a bag of Fel Fire Imp chips from his satchel and leaned against the basket on the current hole.

“Todd, I’d stay right here. Mr. Paladin isn’t the brightest.” Brandon popped the bag open. “Oh, I love this part. gonna be a great show!”

Todd scratched his head and looked at the basket. “Silly paladin skip hole?”

Lollipop reached the basket and grabbed his disc, but it remained stuck to the chains. He tugged and tugged, but it did not move.

Brandon watched while exuding an aura of pure joy. His laugh carried across the course as Lollipop held his disc in hand. Brandon slapped his knee when Lollipop turned to see a perfect replica of his disc sitting on the ground, not far from the tee on hole six.

“Crap!” Lollipop said.

The basket came to life and grabbed Lollipop. Its top and bottom rings closed around his head. The basket pole and chains turned into arms and legs and beat Lollipop while dragging him into the bushes.

“You know, having that goober around really livens up the joint.” Brandon put a wad of Gryphon wintergreen dip in his mouth. “It’s not every day that you see a mimic grab somebody and get to thrashing. Takes a special kind of person to fall for that age-old trick.”

“Mimic once played hide and seek with Todd, never found Mimic, have two toilet in bathroom now. Todd thinks mimic cheats.” Todd said.

Brandon turned away from the show of Lollipop being vigorously chewed on by the mimic to face Todd. “Hey, Todd, have you ever considered getting a bit of help? Not saying anything negative, just worried about you, big fella. Maybe you could use some help; they have adult classes, you know?”

“Todd got help, now I say words and not just punch and scream about glorious death. Todd is smartest orc.” Todd tapped his temple and grinned. “You could learn from Todd.”

Brandon tossed his disc with a soft spin, and it landed neatly under the basket.

Todd, on the other hand, threw again and landed his disc on top of the upper ring. “Todd sad, Todd take bogey.”

Lollipop clawed his way out of the bushes. Much of his armor had been torn from his body, and the clothing underneath no longer held together well enough to hide his pale extremities. The mimic burped from the bush, and his right pauldron shot out of the thick foliage.

“Hey, Lollipop, could we get a move on, or are you not done smooching up the staff here?” Brandon asked.

Lollipop threw his disc, landing it near the basket but out of range for his putting. “Sorry about that, guess this is the number three course in the kingdom for a reason.”

Brandon laughed his way toward the tee box for number six, “Think you can find the right basket this time?”